The process of grieving is slow-oh, so slow. Many people thing that after six months I should be "over it". I'm sure they think it's ok for my daughter to keep grieving, after all she is the mom, but what's the big deal with me? I don't think I would have believed it myself, except that I am the one that is still going through it.
I think of Branch every day. I'm serious, every day. Last fall, I wrote a blog entry entitled Lessons from the Trees. At that time I wrote about how fall was so beautiful, how winter would seem such a dead time, but that spring would come. Little did I know that my lessons would come this year both emotionally and literally. Maryland had one of the toughest winters in its history-days of ice, snow, below freezing temperatures, arctic vortexes and all kinds of crazy stuff. It seemed as if we would never see green again.
Spring started coming at the beginning of April, something that usually happens in March. In spite of the long winter, I wasn't quite ready for spring. My soul still felt dark, sad and was still in winter mode.
I made myself get out and enjoy spring when it came. I spent an entire day just walking around D.C. taking pictures of cherry blossoms and blooming flowers. Because it took so long to come, I think it was one of the most beautiful springs I've seen since living here. As I was walking around, I thought of Branch. I don't really remember what I thought about him, just that he was in my thoughts. Perhaps it was the beauty of new life and the way it reminded me of his life. A life that brought joy to all of us who love him.
I wonder if there are seasons in heaven or if it is just spring. You know the type of days I mean- we actually call them "heavenly." A day with beautiful blue skies, fluffy white clouds, a slight breeze and temperatures around 70 degrees. The Bible says that heaven has a flowing river with a tree of life on each side of that river. The tree will have 12 crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. When fruit trees blossom, they are truly beautiful. Sounds like spring to me.
I close with this: winter is losing it's grip on me, and is definitely gone from the landscape around me. God is faithful, he will hold me and my family though the highs and the lows. I'm grateful to believe in a God who cares and that life will one day be with Him, with those I've loved and lost, and will be forever spring.