Four hours later, I took my class to our weekly chapel time. Once again, a wave of grief washed over me. I asked someone else to watch my class, ran to my classroom and sobbed my eyes out. I managed to calm down after about a half hour, but all I really wanted to do was go home, get in a hot bathtub and have a cup of tea. It was hard to stay focused the rest of the day.
On the long drive home, I was listening again to some music, and a song came on about God being near. I wondered, will You really be near as I grieve over my grandson? I did not hear a voice answer, did not have an instant feeling of peace, but the words that came to my heart and mind were, "God will provide."
For today, that is enough. I know the waves of grief will continue to come for months and I think again of what it says in Psalm 56:8, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected my tears in a bottle, you have recorded each one in your book." I could not do this without God, and at the end of the day, in the midst of grief and sorrow and not understanding, I am thankful that I have a God who will hold me, hold Kristin, Glenn and Branch, and will be there to provide.