"Better Than a Hallelujah"

On Monday, I was flying back to Maryland after a weekend in San Diego.  I have never gone so far away for such a short time. 
On the flight home, I was listening to my I pod, trying to drown out the airplane noise,  and heard a song by Amy Grant called "Better Than A Hallelujah".  Here are the words to the first verse and the chorus:
           "God loves a lullaby
             In a mother's tears in the dead of night
             Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
             God loves the drunkard's cry
             The soldier's plea not to let him die,
             Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

             We pour out our miseries
             God just hears a melody
             Beautiful, the mess we are
             The honest cries of breaking hearts
             Are better than a Hallelujah."

There are so many ways we show love to each other, to God.  Sometimes it is with a Hallelujah -think how inspiring the Hallelujah Chorus is, and sometimes it is with the honest cry of our heart, and the honest sharing of our love with others.  

My trip to San Diego was to surprise Kristin at the shower her sisters gave her.  She really wanted me to come, I told her it was too expensive. But I came, I surprised her, we cried. It was
                     Better than a Hallelujah.

There were around 50 people at the shower.  Aunts, cousins, friends from high school, friends from college, work, church.  Lives that Kristin has touched, so many who want to wrap their arms and love around Kristin and Glenn and Branch.  So many lovely people. They were
                    Better than a Hallelujah.

The day after the shower, Kristin opened her gift cards and the few gifts that came.  A sweet bear, a wood carving, a frame, generous gift cards from friends, a generous cash gift from the people I work with.  We laughed, we cried, we were touched by the thoughtfulness of so many.  It was
                    Better than a Hallelujah.

These are encouragements that will take me through the coming months.  As I got ready for work today, I starting crying.  There seemed to be no reason, but I know there is a grief inside that I just can't explain.  Last month I wrote about lessons from the trees and my love for fall when the leaves are so colorful.  The trees are almost finished with their colorful cycle. Tonight the weather is changing dramatically, the wind is blowing and almost all the leaves will be gone in the next few days.  I've been watching them change each day on my drive home.  The wonderful colors are gone, they are turning brown and falling to the ground.  I don't want to see the leaves come off the trees because that means it's time for Branch to be born, time to love him for just a minute, and time to say good bye.
I keep going forward because I have faith in someone much bigger than me.  He will give me strength to be there for my daughter, He'll be there for me.  Because He promised, because He said He would hold me, because He is the  reason I can say Hallelujah. I will close with one of my favorite verses, which has given me hope in the midst of hard things;

Habakkuk 3:18-19, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."