I could easily focus on how sad this journey is for me, but one of my purposes in writing is to share how I have been able to find joy in the midst of everything. So today I am writing about just some of the blessings that I have experienced since the diagnosis.
Carrying to TermThe first blessing came from the courage of Kristin and Glenn to carry this baby to term. There happens to be a great book for parents (and anyone else associated with a baby with a fatal diagnosis) entitled A Gift of Time, Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life is Expected to Be Brief, by Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah L. Davis, PhD. On page 20 the authors write, "Instead of trying to fight your baby's impending death, you can put your energy toward embracing your baby's life. Instead of thinking about giving your baby a long life, you can start considering how to give your baby a good life. ... in this situation that feels so out of control, you can see that there is still a great deal you can control. You still have a profound opportunity to protect, welcome, and love your baby for as long as your baby is able to live."
Because of this attitude, Kristin and Glenn are a joy to be around. They are embracing life and loving this baby to the fullest extent that they can. I am very thankful for them. On the same note, as mom of Kristin, I cannot express how thankful I am for Glenn and what a wonderful husband and man he is. They have known each other since they were 14 and started dating when they were 16. I am so very blessed that he is a part of our family now.
Kristin and Glenn at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory!
Spending Time in San DiegoMy husband and I and one of our daughters have been living in Maryland for the past six years. There has been a lot of visiting back and forth over the years between the three of us and the four that live on the west coast. We love coming back to visit and love having anyone come to visit us. After the diagnosis, I wanted to spend more time with Kristin just to love and support her in whatever way I could. I was able to spend the last month here because I am a teacher, (love those summers off!), and because the house we own out here happens to be empty right now. (bad-no rent, good-free place to stay!) It has been such a blessing to be here and spend extra time with family and friends. Being in San Diego weather instead of Maryland weather has been a great blessing too!
|Sunset at Moonlight Beach, Encinitas|
The Blessing of Family
|At my niece's wedding|
|Family Bike Ride in Coronado|
The Blessing of FaithLong, long ago, I made a decision to believe that Jesus was God's Son and that through believing in him, I would become one of God's children. Like anyone, there have been many ups and downs in my life, but my very imperfect faith in the perfect God has remained constant.
Since the news of the baby I find that I am experiencing both sadness and joy with a depth I have not previously experienced in my life. I sometimes cry and can't really put into words the reason for the tears. I could be hurting because I know my child is hurting, hurting because of the pain I know will come, hurting because at this time we won't have a grandchild to spoil. But then I find that joy comes each day in many ways; the beauty of a flower, a gentle breeze, the sound of the waves, the song of a bird, laughing children being amazed at the sight of the ocean or going for a ride on the train. Through the sadness and the joy I know that I have not been left to handle this alone. There are many verses that bring me comfort. One of them is from Isaiah 43:1-2 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned..."