The Lord is Come

Last Sunday at church we sang the Christmas song, "Joy to the World".  The pastor then spoke about the first lines of this song, "Joy to the World, the Lord is come."  The focus (if I remember correctly) was on the fact that with the birth of Jesus, the Lord is come, not just that he had come, or will be coming (which He will) but that He is come and is present with us in our lives right now.  

This last week Branch was born.  Kristin's prayer was that he would be born alive and that she and Glenn and others would get a chance to know him.  We did, in so many ways.  I saw God's hand and felt his touch throughout the short week of his life. God gave blessings in the midst of this great sorrow.

Reading Click, Clack, Moo, Cows that Type to Branch

I felt God's presence through little Branch.  He made noise, he held my hand.  He would turn towards Kristin when she spoke, he would be calm and go to sleep in Glenn's arms.  He was surrounded by love, he was so content.  Every nurse and doctor who came into their room was amazed his responsiveness and at the amount of love that surrounded him. Being able to love and hold him were the greatest gifts I have  been given.

Banch's footprint on Isaiah 4:2, holding his hand, Jim holding Branch.

I saw God in action through the friends of Kristin and Glenn.  So many wonderful people who love unconditionally and give sacrificially to help Kristin, Glenn, Branch and even the grandparents.  They truly showed to me what the Body of Christ in action should look like.  They know how to "rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)

I felt and saw God's love poured out through my family. We have our ups and downs and disagreements like any family, but we held each other, cried, laughed and helped one another in ways I cannot begin to count.  I am thankful for each girl and how much love and strength they showed during this last week.

Kimberly and Kristin with Branch, Katherine and Branch, Corrie and Branch 

 "Now to him who by the power that is working within us is able to do far beyond all that we ask or think, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Being a Mom

Usually when you meet someone new, the first thing you ask is, "What do you do?"  I remember the days of being a stay at home mom when my answer was just that, "I am a stay at home  mom."  The responses were varied, from oh that's good, to just oh, and the person would walk away thinking I was not contributing much to society at large.
But for me, I consider being a mom the greatest challenge and the greatest joy I have ever had, and fortunately am still having. Parenting does not stop when your kids are grown  up.
A normal part of being mom is helping your child navigate difficult times.  My first teaching job was in a dinky migrant town in Arizona and I usually went home every weekend since there was nothing to do with the Gila monsters.  One weekend I was eating dinner with my mom and burst into tears.  I had no idea why, but she hit the nail on the head. "Honey, you are really lonely down there because there is no one there your age."  How did my mom know that? How could she read me so well?  It didn't change my circumstances, but knowing that someone knew and cared, helped me go back to my job.
My mom died pretty young, when Kristin was only three and I was pregnant with Corrie.  I never had the chance to ask her any questions about parenting, and if I was doing it right.  I remember one thing she always said to me: "There are no courses in parenting.  I did the best I could all these years, and I've loved you."

I love being a mom. All my girls have been a joy in so many ways, but for this moment I want to focus on Kristin. I've seen her grow over the years into the beautiful woman she is now and could not be more proud.  She is honest and open, she loves God, loves her husband, loves her son with everything in her.  She is an example to me in so many ways of learning to trust in God when you really just don't understand.  We've been through a lot in our lives, we lived in three different countries, she was at one time fluent in all three languages.  She's gone to school here, there and everywhere, she's loved one boy who then became her husband, she's journeyed through this difficult time of carrying and loving Branch with such grace and love and hope that every time I pray for her, I cry tears of joy mixed with sorrow.  She trusts that God will see her through the birth, even though she knows there will be such great grief when he's gone.
She is a great mom.  
Kristin, I love you.
Mom

Peaceful Waters

I heard from somewhere that when you grieve it comes in waves.  I think that is a very fitting analogy for grief. I have live many years in California, but I grew up in Arizona, so waves are not something I like to be in. I'm more of a swimming pool kind of girl.  The waves are a bit scary, they take you places you don't want to go, and one can come on you and be much bigger than was anticipated.

Today was one of those days when an unexpected wave of grief came.  I was listening to music on the way to work, my mind not really on anything, and I burst into tears.  Huge, sobbing tears.  I couldn't really see, so I was thankful that the car in front of me was going rather slow.  Then the tears stopped.  I found the tissues, dried my eyes and drove the rest of the way to work.  But my frame of mind was scrambled, my thinking unclear. I was touchy and easily frustrated throughout the morning, but dry eyed. I thought I was ok.

Four hours later, I took my class to our weekly chapel time.  Once again, a wave of grief washed over me.  I asked someone else to watch my class, ran to my classroom and sobbed my eyes out.  I managed to calm down after about a half hour, but all I really wanted to do was go home, get in a hot bathtub and have a cup of tea. It was hard to stay focused the rest of the day.

On the long drive home, I was listening again to some music, and a song came on about God being near.  I wondered, will You really be near as I grieve over my grandson?  I did not hear a voice answer, did not have an instant feeling of peace, but the words that came to my heart and mind were, "God will provide."  

For today, that is enough. I know the waves of grief will continue to come for months and I think again of what it says in Psalm 56:8, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected my tears in a bottle, you have recorded each one in your book." I could not do this without God, and at the end of the day, in the midst of grief and sorrow and not understanding, I am thankful that I have a God who will hold me, hold Kristin, Glenn and Branch, and will be there to provide.

"Better Than a Hallelujah"

On Monday, I was flying back to Maryland after a weekend in San Diego.  I have never gone so far away for such a short time. 
On the flight home, I was listening to my I pod, trying to drown out the airplane noise,  and heard a song by Amy Grant called "Better Than A Hallelujah".  Here are the words to the first verse and the chorus:
           "God loves a lullaby
             In a mother's tears in the dead of night
             Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
             God loves the drunkard's cry
             The soldier's plea not to let him die,
             Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

             We pour out our miseries
             God just hears a melody
             Beautiful, the mess we are
             The honest cries of breaking hearts
             Are better than a Hallelujah."

There are so many ways we show love to each other, to God.  Sometimes it is with a Hallelujah -think how inspiring the Hallelujah Chorus is, and sometimes it is with the honest cry of our heart, and the honest sharing of our love with others.  

My trip to San Diego was to surprise Kristin at the shower her sisters gave her.  She really wanted me to come, I told her it was too expensive. But I came, I surprised her, we cried. It was
                     Better than a Hallelujah.

There were around 50 people at the shower.  Aunts, cousins, friends from high school, friends from college, work, church.  Lives that Kristin has touched, so many who want to wrap their arms and love around Kristin and Glenn and Branch.  So many lovely people. They were
                    Better than a Hallelujah.

The day after the shower, Kristin opened her gift cards and the few gifts that came.  A sweet bear, a wood carving, a frame, generous gift cards from friends, a generous cash gift from the people I work with.  We laughed, we cried, we were touched by the thoughtfulness of so many.  It was
                    Better than a Hallelujah.

These are encouragements that will take me through the coming months.  As I got ready for work today, I starting crying.  There seemed to be no reason, but I know there is a grief inside that I just can't explain.  Last month I wrote about lessons from the trees and my love for fall when the leaves are so colorful.  The trees are almost finished with their colorful cycle. Tonight the weather is changing dramatically, the wind is blowing and almost all the leaves will be gone in the next few days.  I've been watching them change each day on my drive home.  The wonderful colors are gone, they are turning brown and falling to the ground.  I don't want to see the leaves come off the trees because that means it's time for Branch to be born, time to love him for just a minute, and time to say good bye.
I keep going forward because I have faith in someone much bigger than me.  He will give me strength to be there for my daughter, He'll be there for me.  Because He promised, because He said He would hold me, because He is the  reason I can say Hallelujah. I will close with one of my favorite verses, which has given me hope in the midst of hard things;

Habakkuk 3:18-19, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."
 

Lessons from the Trees

It's finally fall.  Summer gave one last hurrah about two weeks ago and the weather was hot and humid (over 90). It just so happened that was the weekend we were moving.  I believe I went up and down two flights of stairs about 100 times.
But now fall is here. Cool, crisp mornings, lots of sunshine, changes in the trees. Maryland (for those of you who do not know) is flat and full of trees. Deciduous trees, colorful trees, trees that amaze you for 3-4 weeks at this time of year. I love fall and the riot of colors.

As I pass the trees and watch them go from green to gold, red, orange, and maroon, I think of my grandson, Branch.  From what Kristin tells me, I think of his little life being "colorful" now.  He is growing and changing, and she feels the life of him each day-kicking, punching and moving around.  

But then, the winter will come.  The leaves will all be gone, the trees will be bare and stark.  The skies will be gray the sun will not brighten my day for very many hours.  How will I get through the winter, especially this winter?

 I believe I can face this winter because of spring.  Although those trees look dead and lifeless, they have life within, life that shows again in spring.  Branch's earthly life will be short, but there is life within, life that will live eternally, where he will be whole and healthy.  When my earthly life is over, I will begin the spring of my life, also whole and healthy. I will be with him and love him and be his grandma. 

When I look at the trees I am reminded of a verse in 2 Corinthians.  Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

I thank God for lessons from His creation; lessons from trees.  The most important tree of all was the tree on which Jesus died.  Because of his death on a tree, and his Resurrection,  I have life and spring will come; forever.

Stumbling, but getting up

When I went to work on Wednesday this past week,  I was very discouraged, sad and tired. But, like the rest of the world, when asked how I was, my response was, "I'm fine."  Why do I answer, "I'm fine" when I'm really not?  Well, usually I don't want to get into it, since I can't really verbalize what I'm feeling anyway.  I'm afraid if I really let people know how I was I would scare them away, or I would start crying and be useless as I faced a room full of 3rd graders.  
 So, I tried to evaluate what was going on with me emotionally and physically and I came up with a couple of things: 

• We are in the midst of moving.  It is a pain.  All three of us are tense and sick of the boxes and the mess.  I'm so tired when I get home at night that I don't do anything to help with any of it. There's a little bit of food, but no dishes to cook with, and most of the staples have been packed.  I sometimes think I am too old for this, and I am really sick of having stuff.
  
• I started teaching a new class.  As any teacher knows, the beginning of the school year is not the same each year, no matter how many years you have taught.  What worked one year may not work the next.  I'm still pondering these little lives every day.  I go to bed thinking about how to present something.  I'm not sleeping well, and my stomach hurts all the time. (did I mention that I'm feeling very old???)

• The months keep marching on, Kristin is about 29 weeks into her pregnancy and Branch will be here in December.  I don't like being far away.  Even if I don't know what to do at least I wish I could be around to offer whatever.  I don't like that I am clueless how to navigate through this as a mom and a grandma and a wife.  It eats at me every day. And I wonder, where is God in all of this. 

Then I remembered....   
A week ago I got a package in the mail from someone I don't even know, but who heard of the situation with Kristin, has been reading my blog and Kristin's, and taken it upon herself to pray for us and encourage us.  She sent me a note and a  stack of cards with various verses to encourage me.  I finally read one of these verses the day I was feeling so down and out.  The verse I read was from Psalm 16 and I was reminded that God will care for me, hold me, and show me how to travel this road.

 1-2, "Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.  I said to the Lord,    'You are my Lord, apart from you I have no good thing.'"

7-8, "I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.  I have set the Lord always before me.  Because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken."

11, "You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

So I prayed.  I prayed that God would instruct me in the night.  As I drove to work the next day I took in God, not the news radio and not the country station. Tears came again, but somehow they were tears of cleansing, tears that brought peace.  I'm not sure how or what happened but I do know I believe in a God that works in very subtle ways to turn my heart towards him.
As the week progressed, I heard from God in so many ways.  Sometimes I hear God speak directly to my heart and mind, sometimes it is through reading, sometimes in a song or a word from a friend. I had to pay attention this week to hear-each time I heard something, I could easily have ignored the message that was there for me.

• Reading Jesus Calling on September 20, "Try to see things more and more from my perspective.  Let the Light of My Presence so fully fill your mind that you view the world through Me.  ...When serious problems come your way, you will have more reserves for dealing with them.  You will not have sqauandered your energy on petty problems." Message to me: "moving-small problem, don't squander you mental energy on it."
• Two statements that stuck out from the teaching at church this week, "Your Christian life is never done.  It never has a completion date." and, "The Christian life requires your full participation." Message to me: "Are you going to trust me with your daughter and grandson?" 

Sometimes I don't like it when God's message to me is so blunt.  I'd rather have Him tell me that everything is going to be great with no tension, but that is not how life works for anyone.  But, here it is the end of the week, and instead of being depressed and discouraged, I'm thankful.  Thankful for an unknown friend who was so thoughtful to send encouraging cards, thankful for books like Jesus Calling, thankful that the message at church was one that really spoke to my heart, and that I listened.  And most of all thankful that Jesus never gives up on me. John 10:28, "My sheep listen to my voice, I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand."

Thanks so much for reading.  I appreciate the support and prayers.

Kristin's blog



  

Making Memories

In the 34 years since I've been married, there have been various fads that have come and gone on ways to keep memories.  Realize, that this was before cell phones, digital cameras, and easy to use home computers.  (How did we live??) One of the first waves of memory making was making some kind of stitchery. Almost every other young mother I knew had needlepoint and cross-stitch "stuff" everywhere you looked.  I tried, I really did.  I bought kit after kit of cute things I was going to make for my kids.  I eventually threw them all away.

The next big craze, that I remember, was photo memory books.  There were classes and groups and more paper, punches and stickers, then anyone could possibly use.  I have a lot of friends that were very, very good at that and have beautiful photo-storybooks throughout their homes.  My daughters even have a talent for that. As for me...well, all those photo memory books I bought are still sitting unused in a box somewhere along with boxes of photos that are still not sorted. 
When it comes to chronicling memories, I feel as if I fail miserably. But, I do not fail to make memories.  I loved spending time with Kristin and Baby Murdock. Here are just a few of the memories we made.

  Work and Play

I enjoyed going to Kristin's house on the train to help do anything I could. The train ride up the coast was relaxing, and cleaning a house that is not your own is not difficult to do.   
I did a little bit of laundry.  A mother's love knows no bounds. (I really dislike doing laundry).

We went to the beach.  Kristin lives less than a mile from the beach.  She goes almost every day.  We went three or four times.  The baby loves to be at the beach!

 

We ate out a bunch of times.  Chick-fil-a, Nordstrom Cafe, Boudins Bakery.  I think I gained 5 pounds being out in California.

Nordstrom Cafe in downtown SD. Kristin, me, carrot cake, Diet Coke and sunshine!

We went to tea at a place called Shakespeare's Corner Shoppe and Afternoon Tea. It was actually the best Tea I have ever had.  It was great to be with Glenn's mom, Janice, and Kristin.  Janice and I obviously have a lot to bond over besides our great kids.  I so appreciate her support and love for Kristin. 

 

 We went to a sonogram appointment with Kristin and Glenn.  This was a bittersweet moment for all.  Kristin and Glenn had a certificate for a 4D sonogram and invited us to come before we left.  We could see the baby's face, legs, arms, fingers,  toes, hear the heartbeat.  Such a beautiful, strong child, so alive in mama's womb. It's hard to comprehend that we will not know our grandchild for very long. 

But then I was comforted when I remembered what David wrote in Psalm 139:15, " My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body." He knows us all, He holds us in His hands.  He will carry us through all of this be it joy or sorrow,  and give us those precious times to continue making memories.

Kristin's blog  

 

Giving Hope to the Hurting

You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8

 

 

What do I say?

People often do not know what to say when someone is hurting, especially when the hurt comes from a death.  When I was 18, my dad left our family, when I was 32 my mom died of cancer.  I didn't know how to share these events with others, and if and when I did, responses ranged from sympathetic, to downright insensitive.
This has also been true with the diagnosis news of Kristin's baby.  People have said some very strange and insensitive things to us (the grandparents).  I'm known for being blunt and putting my foot in my mouth and I've probably said some things that are hurtful too.  But, rather than focus on the hurtful comments, I will focus mostly on the various responses that have touched my heart and given me comfort during this time.

Friends indeed...

It's very difficult to tell people this news.  I told everyone at my work that I was going to join the ranks of those who are grandmas.  That was the last day of school, and since then there has been the diagnosis. Since no one was at work at that time, I had to call my friends and let them know the news.  Here are some of the responses that deeply touched my heart...

• One of the first friends I called could tell something was wrong from my voice.  When I told her the news, all she could say was she was sorry, and she started crying with me. I was deeply touched and felt deeply loved.  She was living the truth of a verse in 1 Corinthians 12 which says, "If one member suffers, all the other members suffer with it."
• Another best friend at work just had her first grand baby.  When I called to congratulate her and tell her how beautiful the baby was she asked, "Is it ok that I talk about her?  Does it hurt you or bother you that I have a grandchild?"  How very sensitive, to think of me and my pain and want to help to ease the burden. (So far, it's not difficult when others have grandchildren. I want to rejoice with them!)
• Another friend at work said, "I can't imagine what you are going through.  I tend to talk too much, so if I do tell me to be quiet and if you just need a hug come and tell me and I will give you a hug."  Again, so compassionate.  I have tears in my eyes while I'm writing this just knowing God has surrounded me with people who will care for me this year.
• A friend from church: This wonderful lady lost 2 children when she was young.  She doesn't talk much about her loss and seems to have an amazing perspective of this since she is now retired and a grandmother herself.  She told me she was thankful that she had the experience of being pregnant and feeling life grow inside of her. It is a comfort to see someone who has experienced such great loss be able to focus on the blessings amidst the loss. Those words give me hope.
• I clicked with a new gal from church over quilting.  Since the diagnosis she has shared with me that she lost a baby.  She is a great listener and a very kind and sensitive person.  I thank God that he sent her to live in Maryland.
• Some other random people that have been kind were the manager of our house (as a side note, we just found out we have to move because the owners want to sell).  We asked the manager for one more month to get it together, explained why we were in California, and then he softened.  He and his wife also carried a baby to term with a fatal diagnosis.  So he knows personally the pain we are talking about. Another random person was a jeweler we know.  His son also lost his first born and he looked at us with such compassion and just said, "I'm so sorry. I know how difficult this is." 

We all experience loss all the time. From broken friendships, losing a favorite pet, death, losing a job, the list could go on and on.  When someone is going though a difficult season in their life, I often don't say anything, because I just don't know what to say.  Or, to show my selfishness, I don't think their loss is that significant and in my head I say, "Just get over it.  It's no big deal."
I am discovering that as I  face this that a hug or simple words like, "I'm so sorry," are enough.  That helps me to know you are thinking of me and especially thinking of Kristin and Glenn. Also, if I say I'm having a hard day, just leave it at that.  That is my way of saying, I can't really cope with this emotionally today so just let me get my work done without really thinking. 
Just two things of what not to say: (and I have been guilty of this, so I speak from experience.)  Please don't tell me (and especially don't tell Kristin and Glenn if you know them) about someone else who had it much harder because their baby... You know what I mean, stories that are even sadder.  It only increases the pain, and it doesn't  acknowledge the pain that we are facing at this moment.  Also, don't say, "I know someone who...and they have 3 healthy children now." I know those words are meant to be hopeful, but they again don't acknowledge the importance of this baby's life right now and how much we want to love and cherish every moment possible.
As I close, I'm including 2 links below.  One is an article I read that gives great ideas on how to help those who are hurting. The other is Kristin's blog. Thanks for reading, thanks for caring.  

Kristin's blog

Comforting hurting people 


 

 

Blessings

        

I could easily focus on how sad this journey is for me, but one of my purposes in writing is to share how I have been able to find joy in the midst of everything. So today I am writing about just some of the blessings that I have experienced since the diagnosis.

Carrying to Term

The first blessing came from the courage of Kristin and Glenn to carry this baby to term. There happens to be a great book for parents (and anyone else associated with a baby with a fatal diagnosis) entitled A Gift of Time, Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life is Expected to Be Brief, by Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah L. Davis, PhD.  On page 20 the authors write, "Instead of trying to fight your baby's impending death, you can put your energy toward embracing your baby's life.  Instead of thinking about giving your baby a long life, you can start considering how to give your baby a good life.  ... in this situation that feels so out of control, you can see that there is still a great deal you can control.  You still have a profound opportunity to protect, welcome, and love your baby for as long as your baby is able to live."
Because of this attitude, Kristin and Glenn are a joy to be around.  They are embracing life and loving this baby to the fullest extent that they can.  I am very thankful for them.  On the same note, as mom of Kristin, I cannot express how thankful I am for Glenn and what a wonderful husband and man he is.  They have known each other since they were 14 and started dating when they were 16. I am so very blessed that he is a part of our family now.

 Kristin and Glenn at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory!

Spending Time in San Diego

My husband and I and  one of our daughters have been living in Maryland for the past six years.  There has been a lot of visiting back and forth over the years between the three of us and the four that live on the west coast.  We love coming back to visit and love having anyone come to visit us.  After the diagnosis, I wanted to spend more time with Kristin just to love and support her in whatever way I could.  I was able to spend the last month here because I am a teacher, (love those summers off!), and because the house we own out here happens to be empty right now.  (bad-no rent, good-free place to stay!) It has been such a blessing to be here and spend extra time with family and friends.  Being in San Diego weather instead of Maryland weather has been a great blessing too!

Sunset at Moonlight Beach, Encinitas

 The Blessing of Family

At my niece's wedding

 I really love my family!  I have a great husband and four great girls.  I really love and enjoy being around all of them as well as my son-in-law Glenn, and Corrie's steady boyfriend Duane.  We have had a lot of great times together this month.  The news of the baby has brought us all closer as we share our grief and our support of one another.  I am thankful that I have been here to listen and cry with my girls whom I don't get to see that often. On the flip side, I am thankful for their love and support of me. 

Family Bike Ride in Coronado

 The Blessing of Faith

Long, long ago, I made a decision to  believe that Jesus was God's Son and that through believing in him, I would become one of God's children.  Like anyone, there have been many ups and downs in my life, but my very imperfect faith in the perfect God has remained constant.  
Since the news of the baby I find that I am experiencing both sadness and joy with a depth I have not previously experienced in my life.  I sometimes cry and can't really put into words the reason for the tears.  I could be hurting because I know my child is hurting, hurting because of the pain I know will come, hurting because at this time we won't have a grandchild to spoil.   But then I find that joy comes each day in many ways; the beauty of a flower, a gentle breeze, the sound of the waves, the song of a bird, laughing children being amazed at the sight of the ocean or going for a ride on the train.  Through the sadness and the joy I know that I have not been left to handle this alone.  There are many verses that bring me comfort. One of them is from Isaiah 43:1-2 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned..."

Thank you

I have only written once and lots of people read my thoughts and gave me very encouraging comments.  Thank you for reading.  I appreciate this way of being able to chronicle my journey down this path.  So until next time, I hope you too will take time to notice the many blessings of your life.

Becoming a Grandma 

The News, part 1, April 2013

Last April I had the chance to run in the inaugural Nike Women's half marathon. The thrill was not that Nike came to Washington DC, or that I got a Tiffany's necklace at the end, but that my eldest daughter, Kristin, came all the way from San Diego to run the race too!  We love seeing her, we miss her (and her husband Glenn, and our other children) so it is a great treat when anyone travels 3,000 miles to come see their parents.
On top of the thrill of seeing Kristin, she shared some news with us that first night.   "Mom," asked my dear firstborn, "are you ready to have a new name?" I was a little slow and had no idea what she was talking about. "Are you ready to have the name of grandma?"
She videoed my response, and I reacted in disbelief, I was sure she was kidding.  My kids often tease me and I tend to be rather gullible.  I think it took about a minute to realize she was serious and I let out a scream of joy.  
This is our first, and as a new grandma, I was thrilled.  I had strict orders to not tell anyone until she was over the 3 month mark, and I sort of kept my word.  I told three of my friends who were also thrilled for me.  
As the three month mark passed, I shared the great news with more and more people.  It was so fun to share the news at work (I'm a teacher).  I was the 8th staff member to become a grandma this year.  Everyone told me it was the best thing ever.  Nothing can compare.  As my husband's parents used to tell us, it was a lot of fun to have grand-kids, spoil them to pieces, then give them back!! (Usually on a sugar high, from what I remember).

                             Chris and Kristin, Washington DC, April 2013

 The News, part 2, June 2013 

On June 17th I got this text from Kimberly, daughter # 3 (I have 4!)
"Mama! Kristin just found out it's only $100 to find out the gender.  I'm pitching in $25.  Want to help us?!? I want to know the gender!"  
Of course we helped.  Thrill of thrill.  The appointment was set for June 27th. I was teaching summer school at the time and sent Kristin and Glenn a message to call me as soon as they knew.  I did not want the news from a text, but to be thrilled with them voice to voice!
July 27th came, and Kristin sent this text, "Hey Mom are you still at work?  We just left our ultrasound-there is some sad news-call me when you can."
My heart sank, my eyes filled with tears. These were words I knew did not bode well.  I called my dear daughter, and with tears she shared that her sweet little baby had a condition called anencephaly. I actually knew what this was, and knew it was a fatal diagnosis.  The tears, I am not sure I have ever cried so many.  And as a mother and a new grandmother, I could not even express my grief.  There were no words, I  was hurting for my daughter and her husband,  hurting for me and my husband, and  hurting for all my other daughters.  
My journal 3 days after this news said this:
"I'm not at a place where I can pray yet at all.  I'm not mad at God. I know He will use this in some way to bring our family and others closer to Him.  I do ask why.  Why a couple who is so great and would make such great parents not going to get that right now?" 

To help me process this journey, I started this blog.  This is my first entry. After writing and reliving this bit of the journey, I am a bit tired. This will be a difficult journey for our family.  Kristin and Glenn have chosen to love and care for this baby (a boy!) as long as they can.  In future blogs I will share about that courageous choice.  Thanks to all that listen and read this.   

information about anencephaly anencephaly.net